Happy New Year!

I want to raise my glass to the year that is and soon will be was 2005. It was a year filled with joy, laughter, sadness and hope. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful people surrounding me who helped me be the best person I could be and help me through the rough patches, and there were some doosies this year. There's a lot to look forward to in 2006 and I'm ready for it. I've even finally gotten the first new pair of eyeglasses in 5 years so I'm starting with a whole new point of view.

So I raise my glass to you and offer a toast to the old year and all the possibilities of the new one. Happy New Year!

You know you have come of age when...?

When you beat your Mother in Scrabble. All I can say is whoo hoo! (This is a big deal by the way.)

The Story of MY Christmas Tree

There's something special about decorating a Christmas tree. I told my husband it was like looking at not only my and my family's history but our history as a couple. Since he came from a family where Christmas ornaments weren't personal and he had none of his own I started giving him an ornament as a gift every year. This year he will receive number 13.

See we don't have a tree strung with similar shiney baubles from a store. We have ornaments accumulated over the years. Many handmade or given to us as gifts from family and friends. And last year I received a box of ornaments from my Grandmother. It was filled with ornaments that hung on Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas tree. I think it is so cool to have these little bits of history.

Some of the memories that are hanging on my tree are:
The paper straw I colored and glittered all up representing the straw in the stable Jesus was born in. I think I was in late elementary school. It hung on a Jesse Tree in a church rectory.
The lollipop I made in 5th grade. We sold them as efforts towards the refurbishing of the Statue of Liberty. That's when I first really understood the meaning of an assembly line when we made hundreds and hundreds of them.
The soft stuffed ornaments my mom and Grandma made before my youngest sister was born so they could be put on the bottom of the tree for safety reasons. The ceramic painted ornaments Grandma made for each of us. I have mine and my brothers.
And 12 various ornaments given to my husband. Each of them special.

And because of these ornaments I find myself sitting in silence gazing at the tree. I found myself doing this a lot at my parents home too. Looking at the memories hanging on the tree.

Happy Birthday to Youuuu!!

Sending warm wishes up to my sister Laura who is celebrating her 29th birthday today. Hope your day is awesome!

A Pie Buffet

It was the pie buffet at my parents house this Thanksgiving. Two pumpkin and apple, a pecan and a cherry. All for 11 people. Oye. At one point I was thinking..who else can we give pie away to? But we had a nice day. Lots of wonderful food and family. Now onto tomorrow. Mom and me are shopping. This is the first time I've had the day after Thanksgiving off as a holiday from work in like 8 years. It's kinda nice. Hopefully I'll make a dent in the Christmas shopping. Oh, and anyone want some pie?

Walking Away From Cookies

When my boss put a platter full of sinful looking and smelling cookies in front of me this afternoon I wondered if this was a test. To see if I really meant the changes I am trying to make in my life. That the baby carrots I brought to work to snack on were the real deal or an excuse why I could have a cookie. I didn't have one. I walked the tray down the hall and dropped it in the break room. It was so hard. Saying no to a cookie took a lot from me. But so did the words that my doctor said to me..."heart disease." Those words were stronger than cookies.

I bought a work out DVD set this weekend. Walk Away the Pounds. I can't believe I did it. If I can tune out the annoyed chatter and the hard sell on the walk away the pounds weighted balls I think I can do this for a little bit. The main thing is to give me options so I don't burn out on one thing. I have a perriwinle blue outfit to fit into in February and a long life to live.

And I finished "This Much I Know to Be True." Awesome. A little tedious due to the lengeth I finished it. This time I'm reading something much shorter and easier, 3rd Degree by James Patterson. I'll be done by the end of the week. Then maybe I'll think about a holiday book.

One last thing. I am ticked at NBC. Medium is one of my favorite shows and I can't find a stupid TV Guide so I can watch the show in 3-D. I'm taping it and asking my mom to save hers so I can get the full effect. Why can't they put them in the Sunday paper? I can always find one of those.

Yoga, Pilates, Aerobics, Oh My!

You ever typed in workout videos into Google? You come back with so many bizzare things.

Such as the Bellydance Slimdown with twins Veena and Neena. Or Cadio Hip Hop, Spiritual Aerobics (done to gospel music), Country Line Dance aerobics or Cardio Salsa. There's something for everyone you would think. But where do you begin? I did find a cool web site http://www.collagevideo.com. You can search videos and even watch snippits. It's there that you see just how bad most of these videos are and they assume everyone can dance. You know you can still buy some of the classic Jane Fonda in her tights and leg warmers?

One funny sign I noticed at a neighborhood donut shop I passed by. The thing they wanted to advertise was the $1.99 day old donuts. It's always great to aspire to the best!

What Did I do to Myself?

I've been in a funk. I'm sure you can tell. I just haven't wanted to blog, or even get near the computer for the sake of blogging. It's not that I don't think "Gee, that would be funny on Sarah Says" or "Man, I gotta talk about that issue!" Because those conversations are going on in my head. I've always talked to myself. It's just I'm sitting in the other room and I talk myself out it.

Not tonight. This weekend was eye-opening. I really saw myself in reflective objects while out shopping with my family. All of it. The round face and neck. My protrouding stomach. My walk, or should I call it my shuffle? I look much older than 31. And probably act it too since I don't keep up as well as I could.

How did it happen? How did I get here? How didn't I stop somewhere in the middle and really see me? When I started outgrowing clothing, and then the fat-people clothing? And the fear that come along with it. Not just the fear I won't fit into the dress my for sister's wedding in February. But that my body will give out too soon. That I will never have children because of it. That I'm missing out on life.

How did it happen? More important..how do you fix this? Where do you begin?

Hot on Friday, Chilly on Tuesday

Whew.

I've been busy. First there was the chili cookoff last Friday. We didn't win, but I say we were robbed! The second place chili..no flavor. But it was held at church so I shouldn't malign the winners or non-winners I guess. My house smelled like chili for 3 days. I guess there are worse things for a house to smell like!

Then there was Hurricane Wilma. We were lucky we were spared again. I don't know how the Tampa area keeps dodging the bullet. We are so due. But I won't complain.

Because of Wilma I had storm duty at work which meant a few early morning hours..but that's about it.

And the weather. On Sunday it was muggy and hot and today? Mid-60's for a high. It's lovely! Opened the windows and yesterday even did some gardening.

Still reading This Much I Know is True by Wally Lamb..it's a long book. I'll get there. I don't read more than 300 pages into a book and not finish it.

I'm off to enjoy a rare evening at home with my husband since he works such crazy hours. He's even cooking, a rarer treat these days.

Till next time.

My Mouth, My Mouth, My Mouth is on Fire!

So I made my first attempt at making chili tonight, for a chili cook-off at church on Friday night. It was an adventure. Between my friend and my husband tasting it and we finally got it to not feel like your lips were being burned off and firey hot lava was going down your throat. In fact I think it's pretty good. And after a day of simmering in a crockpot, it should kick butt if I do say so myself. I don't know if I expect to win on our first outing...but it could happen. Onto table decorations. Have to win the judges over on all sides. Now, if only my mouth would stop burning!

Blog post. Check!

Whew. Where does the time go to? First it was Sept. and now it's Oct. My birthday came and went, but we don't want to talk about that and another anniversary of my brother's death, don't care to talk about that either.

I've read a few books. Noteably "Meena, Heroine of Afgahnistan" by Melody Ermachild Chavaz. Now I'm onto the gigantic "I Know this Much to be True" by Wally Lamb and a psychic mystery was tucked in between.

I went on my very first business trip to North Carolina last month and will return next week for a staff meeting. It is pretty cool. Getting to travel without paying a dime. Although I could have done without the massive thunderstorm that kept my return flight grounded for 2 1/2 hours and making a very late night for me. My boss left, and that's a good thing. I'm still there and it looks like another one will be on the way in.

In that month I was also published. Well kinda, no by-line. My company is a sponsor of a museum in Tallahassee and I wrote the featured article. I was very proud of myself.

So on to October. With it's witches, pumpkins and fall-like temperatures, oh I mean fall-like in other places in the country and tropical storms/hurricanes in Florida, and shorter days.

It's funny how I go through the day and think "gee that would be great on Sarah Says," but somehow I just don't get it here. I always say I will try to do better. And then I fail. And then my friend Aaron tells me he took Sarah Says off his favorites because I don't update this enough. (Okay, that hurt a little.) Man, the pressure to produce :-) So I'll keep trying. As my adoring fan (fans? may be too many) has asked me to get with it.

Goodnight.

You Know When..

You know when your relationship with your Mother is different than when you were a child is when you receive an e-mail titled this:

Benefits of SEX!

So She's Leaving..

So yesterday my boss announced she's resigned from the company and is leaving in two weeks.

Now for many people a boss leaving is a big reason to celebrate. Me, I'm not. I just was getting to know her and understand what she wants. Plus, I chose to work for her. Plus I'm hoping they don't consider my job to be expendable and for the new person to bring in a person of their choosing. Little freaked about that.

But at least it's a long weekend. More time for me to fixate on the realities of the corporate world.

What More is there to Say?

Sarah Says was taking a mini vacation. Trying to decide if this was a venture that I wanted to continue. I find myself coming home NOT wanting to get on a computer after spending more than 8 hours daily sitting in front of one, often working intensively. So I find myself just not even coming in the room where the computer sits.

I found myself wanting to comment on things in the past 2 weeks. Thinking about what I would say, the pictures I might include. But that was usually just as I sat in the car on the way home from work.

Then Hurricane Katrina hit. Even though I don't work in the news business anymore I find that I am still a news junky. Although I don't have time to read the wires at work I do read the paper and then come home, settle in and watch the horror unfolding in front of my eyes on the television. I'm numb to be honest. Kind of like after Sept. 11. The vast amounts of human suffering along the Gulf Coast is unfathomable. Yes New Orleans is important but those people just to the east, in Mississippi and Alabama that haven't shared in the spot light. Where entire towns have been wiped away. My heart is so sad. But I have decided to keep writing. For now at least. For now this is what I need to do.

Secret Life of Bees

This is one of the best books I've read in a long time and I highly recommend it. Her language skills are superb and her storytelling top notch. Some of the characters I loved so much I wanted to jump in the book and meet them.
The book is set in 1964 in South Carolina during the tumultuous racial integrations that were sweeping the country. In the midst of it all a young white girl finds herself in a home of three African American sisters named August, June and May who blur racial lines and show her true compassion and help her on her journey to healing after living with an incredibly abusive father and coming to terms with what happened to her mother who died when she was four. The bees are an literary tool used to tie the human experience together. I'm sad it's over because the time I spent reading it I found myself savoring it and drinking in the details. I can't wait to read another one of her novels. I now have really high expectations of this author now that I know what she is capable of.

Contimplating the Sky

Have you ever contimplated the sky?
How amazing it truly is? How the clouds can be light and fluffy, floating in the bright blue sky. Or dense and black and menacing during a storm. Or pink during a sunset, speckled with stars at night?
I know we are often so busy going about preoccupied with ourselves that we often don't sit back and see the beautiful things surrounding us. And let them fill us with wonder or peace so we can reflect on wonderful things.

Lifes Reality Checks

Growing up as a little girl I always imagined and believed that once you found that person you wanted to marry and had the big day it was smooth sailing in the relationship department. I mean you were in love and that's all you needed right?

I even had really good marital pre-counseling and none of it prepares you for just how hard being married is. It is a job in its self. You have to work to make it work, and even then sometimes it just doesn't because the other person doesn't want to do the work.

Something so little as actually listening and asking about how you are and really meaning it. When you know something is important to your spouse, making it important to you. And the little things. So many times it's the little things that can make all the difference in the world. A kiss, a hug, a card, remembering when you should. It all adds up.

Thought I Was Gonna Hurl

Today I attended media training with my department. We were practicing media interviews. Now this is the first time I had EVER been interviewed on camera, heck I'd never been interviewed, I was always the interviewer. It was horrific (thus the photo above with the vultures) and I seriously thought I was going to be sick. Going over what you are going to say in your head is the easy part. You can sound confident and cocky and you imagine your gonna rock.

And then your mouth opens. And the stuff coming out is not at all what you thought should be. And then there's this camera right in your face. But I did it. I got out of my comfort zone and I'm proud of that. I have new respect for PR people. Being able to keep it together on the fly, getting their message out and remembering lipstick should be a must for all ladies on camera, especially me.

Grave Markers

So how many of you out there have a folder on your computer called Grave Markers? As I was transferring files I started thinking that I might be a little strange for having one. See a few years back I got interested in my families genealogies. And through searching the Internet I found a distant cousin of my Mom's who had done extensive work on the Kinder side of my family (back to the 1600's). The next time I was in Ft. Wayne (my mom's hometown) I found myself in the cemetery with my Mom and Aunt Pat finding family graves. We found ones we knew about (like the one above which is my Mom's grandfather) and ones we didn't know were there, family members dating to the early 1900's.

There's something very grounding (sorry for the pun) about being in a cemetery, especially standing in front of graves of ancestors from many years gone by. I remember thinking I wonder what these people were like, what they looked like. It's also grounding because it's an ending that everyone faces and you can't hide from it in a cemetery.

So I don't think I'm that strange having a folder named Grave Markers, because really it's a family photo album of a sort.

So I Fibbed..No Big Deal

Ok, so in the previous post it said I was going to go and buy the new Harry Potter book and lend it to my mom because I was already in the middle of page-turner that I didn't want to interrupt. Well, that was the intention. But last Saturday after returning from buying the book at Target and sitting down on my couch where I only intended to glance through it and take a good look at the cover front and back (they are always good hints at what's to come) I cracked it and read the first page...and before I knew it I was 50 pages in. When my parents came home from vacation I told her she was going to have to wait a week...I was reading the book. I just finished it tonight. A little slower than my usual, but I realized I read the last one way too fast and don't remember as much as I thought I did. Note to self: go back and re-read the series before the final book!

So what do I think? It was great. And I love the new more grown-up Harry and that him and his buds are "snogging" or making out and finding more and more about who he is and what he needs to do. The death was sad, but I wasn't shocked, I think I knew who was going to die. The seventh book will be a departure from the rest and I can't wait to get my hands on it. So J.K., get writing would you?

Now back to my other book, Angels & Demons, I know the good part is about to start so there'll be more intense reading coming my way. I am always amazed how much books can suck you in. My husband thinks I'm nuts and even told me he's glad I'm done with the Potter book because he thinks I liked reading it more than spending time with him. Now that's not true, not mostly...
just kidding honey!