Monday, November 14, 2005

What Did I do to Myself?

I've been in a funk. I'm sure you can tell. I just haven't wanted to blog, or even get near the computer for the sake of blogging. It's not that I don't think "Gee, that would be funny on Sarah Says" or "Man, I gotta talk about that issue!" Because those conversations are going on in my head. I've always talked to myself. It's just I'm sitting in the other room and I talk myself out it.

Not tonight. This weekend was eye-opening. I really saw myself in reflective objects while out shopping with my family. All of it. The round face and neck. My protrouding stomach. My walk, or should I call it my shuffle? I look much older than 31. And probably act it too since I don't keep up as well as I could.

How did it happen? How did I get here? How didn't I stop somewhere in the middle and really see me? When I started outgrowing clothing, and then the fat-people clothing? And the fear that come along with it. Not just the fear I won't fit into the dress my for sister's wedding in February. But that my body will give out too soon. That I will never have children because of it. That I'm missing out on life.

How did it happen? More do you fix this? Where do you begin?

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