Create Something - But What?

For a long time I have felt deep within that I should be creating something. But I never knew what. Like there was a story somewhere deep inside waiting for me to find it and free it.

I still feel that way and I still don't know what that story is or how to get it out.

One of my earliest creative memories was from elementary school. I wrote a short story and illustrated it. I believe it was about Halloween, it had a black construction paper cover. I know I did well and it was ready to a larger group at school.

I bring this up because this I seem to find ways to do assignments (school or work) but when it comes to my personal writing I'll start something and then find out it's not what I thought and toss it to the side. And then something else will come up and I'll do the same.

How do I get my stories out? I don't even know where to start. Do I just keep writing hoping one of them will be the one? I honestly don't know how to move forward.

Anyone else have this feeling/problem? How do I create when I don't know what I'm supposed to be creating?

Be Still

I find myself running from one activity to the next all the time. From work, church meetings, family and friends to household duties. There seems to be rare occasion when I am still. Without the TV or computer occupying me or my nose deep in a book or other item. To just sit back and enjoy the beauty of this world. To listen and to take in the many smells. Empty you mind from all the worries that occupy us most of the time.

So I'm off to enjoy the sights and sounds of this lovely Spring night in central Florida. The balmy breeze and a bright moon.

Wonderful.

Now I Get to Complain a Little

There's so much to do but I don't know how.

That seems to be the theme of my life. Things haven't gone the way I would have planned as I was preparing to get married 10 years ago. I don't have the children I hoped for. We aren't any where near being financially secure. The house is in dire need of repairs we can't afford and I am making less than I was 2 years ago.

I look around and there's so much to do but I don't know how to fix any of it. With the job market in the toilet here in Central Florida I'm ecstatic I have a job let alone one that pays better. The same goes for my hubby. While he's succeeding more at poker, he hasn't had the break-through yet that would help us. So the houses problems wait. The roof, the cracking exterior, the peeling paint, the kitchen, bathrooms, the back yard full of weeds rather than plants - it stays.

And when you reach my age you should be getting fertility treatments - but there's no funds for that. And what money is there to adopt, as if an agency would approve us.

Frustration. Most of my friends have their families complete, they are on the rise financially. Doing projects, going on trips.

I know this is a lot of bitching and I really do have plenty to be greatful for. I have a loving husband. A great family and some great friends. I am employed. And I have taken leadership roles within my church that has helped me connect with others and given me lots to do. I do have a home, food to eat and other creature comforts that makes me look rich compared to many around the world.

But there are those nagging thoughts in my brain. When are things going to work out? So I can stop spending my Saturdays puttering around my house alone because there's no money to do projects and I don't want to use expensive gas to get out. Will I ever have children? Or will be I that old lady doating on everyone elses kids?

So much to do and I still don't know how.

Audacious Dreams - I'm All In

Once again I was reading a book, this one by Trent Hamm, the blogger of the Simple Dollar. He wrote that when you dream you should dream audaciously. Audacious is defined as being bold, brave and without fear. To go all the way in your dreams and desires. Or in poker terms, go all in.

This struck a cord with me. I often read that you should structure your dreams into smaller portions so they are more realisitic. But having big dreams and taking big risks can pay off. You can also fail big. And that's OK because at least you tried.

So now I need a list of these audacious dreams and figure out how to reach them. Living so safe isn't the way of my life anymore.

Habit Forming

On the urging of my boss, I started reading Twyla Tharp's book The Creative Habit. I've only read 2 chapters but I've already been reminded that in order to be good at what you love to do you must practice. You must make a habit out of it.

So I must write more. Much more.

I need to write about everything and anything I can. Daily preferably.

So back I come to my old friend, Sarah Says.... I've had this blog since 2004. I come and go. But I must bd more consistent. I must work harder at my craft.
I'm in. I can't wait to read more of Twyla's book.

Are you ready? I am.