I'm Mad. Pissed off.

It's been tough reading and seeing the video and pictures of the oil washing up on the beautiful beaches of the panhandle of Florida.

These were pristine areas.

Here in Florida we didn't agree to have drilling off the coast for this reason. So much we have here is based on tourism. People coming here taking vacations to see our beautiful coasts and waters. Swim, fish, enjoy the beauty.

I'm really worried we have managed to ruin miles and miles of lovely coast. Along with all of the animals that are gone. I saw tonight we might lose blue fin tuna because of this spill. Did you know 3 out of 5 sea turtle species are found in the Gulf of Mexico? They are dying quickly.

For you who are in different parts of the country or world you too should be mad. We, the American people, have caused this with our desires for more and more oil rather than using less and demanding the use of technologies that can move us towards less and less oil dependence. Drill baby drill? Really?

I'm mad. I am pissed off. This is my home and I can't believe some foreign company could be so careless with people's livelihoods and our environment which is so precious.

Bon Appetit!

I finished reading Appetite for Life, The Biography of Julia Child by Noel Riley Fitch. What a fantastically interesting woman Julia was. The public persona we think of with her teaching french dishes on PBS to the masses was only a part of her. In fact, she didn't get famous until she was about 50. I loved reading about her marriage to Paul Child. They loved each other tremendously and made each other successful. When he died in the book, I was very sad as I could only image how she must have felt.

I empathized with her as she was never able to have children and that would be her only regret at the end of her life. I wonder if I could move on with life and grab it by the horns as she was able to - to find so many ways that brought her joy and meaning.

Her young adult life in the service to this country was so fascinating. As this book was published before the government released that she was a spy it was more exciting.

The book was dry at times and there is a LOT of french food not defined but the story was compelling and I have a new appreciation for a woman that was often parodied as a smart, hard-working, joyous woman who revolutionized food television and the cookbook industry.

Disappointment

I'm very upset. Reading about how the Pope might have known and chosen NOT do anything about pedophile priests years ago. There is no excuse that anyone would turn their back on children being hurt in such terrible ways. If this is true I think he should step down.

This type of thing is really getting out of control and all the Church can do to move forward is to institute a policy that anyone involved in or sanctioning anyone involved with, should be removed from pastoral care immediately. I don't care who you are.

Sad. So sad. It's time we gain the trust of those within our own flocks by saying this is not acceptable. It is acceptable.

What I learned...

I was unemployed for more than six months in the past year. I saw more episodes of TV shows than I care to admit. I stayed in my PJ's many a day. I wrote and sent probably 100 resumes and cover letters - maybe more! I cried, I yelled, I was depressed. Now that I've got a new job to start I've reflected on the past year.

Losing your job once, let alone two times in one year is a blow to ones ego. I had thought I was important to my work places. Nah. They moved on without me.

So here are some of what I've learned in the past year:

1. Nothing stays the same. Flexibility is important to survive these tough times. It will serve you well in life.
2. It isn't personal, but it is. Most likely it was a financial decision that caused me to lose my job and many others who are in the same boat. But at the same time, it is deeply personal to the person it is effecting. For those who know the unemployed, understand that. They most likely are mad, sad, pissed, mortified, devastated. You can't know until it happens to you.
3. It's OK to ask for help. It's hard to get a job. Especially now. You need to tell everyone you know you are out of work. Asking others for help getting the work out, passing along your resume, looking at your resume, giving a reference or just listening to you.
4. Be good to yourself. Eat well, exercise, go to local parks, visit friends and family, read those books you've been meaning to and anything else that can bring you joy. There are so many things you can do for little or no money, look for them! Being happier will make you a better job candidate.

Park Tour 2010

The cold weather has left Florida with many brown/dead plants. But the warm weather has returned and the outdoors called to me when I suggested to my sister Laura we spend the afternoon in a local park.

We decided on Philippe Park in Safety Harbor. It's the oldest park in the county that is situated on the northwest coast of Tampa Bay. It has a little bit of everything: beaches, extensive tree canopy, mangroves, historic landmarks, wildlife and stunning views of the bay.
View from south boardwalk across bay - Photo: Laura Knupke-Coe

View along beach - Photo: Laura Knupke-Coe

We learned that the park's namesake, Odette Philippe, had a plantation there. He also introduced grapefruit and cigars to the area. We also learned there were native Americans living there, the Tocobaggas. There is a large Indian mound at the park that has wonderful views.

What makes this park different is the beach accesses at the south end of the park. Where a car, sometimes two, can park and a short walk through the parted mangroves you find quiet beaches.

My sister noted so many people spend so much time trying to explore the world so few take the time to explore the cool areas around where they live. I agreed. Here in central Florida there are so many beautiful natural areas and this one was 15 minutes from my house. Good reminder that with very little money and with a little free time, you can have a really great afternoon.

From Our Home to Yours - Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!
I can't believe another Christmas is upon us. It just seemed like yesterday we were ringing in 2009.
This hasn't been the easiest year for me. But losing two jobs has really helped me reconnect with myself and to figure out who I want to be. How I want to spend my time. It reminded me work is just that, work, not life, not defining who I am. It has also helped my husband and I realize how precious your health is and not to squander it. We have rededicated ourselves to taking care of ourselves. He'll be running a marathon before you know it!

So in the end, 2009 has been a blessing. We are focused and happy.
So as we celebrate this special day we wish you peace and happiness and blessings for 2010.

Hallomas - Wha?

I love the holidays. There, I said it. I love Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I love the smells, the lights, the Christmas trees, presents under the tree, Midnight Mass, singing the songs and counting down to midnight of a New Year.

What I don't like is the blurring of the holiday lines. That the holidays have been corrupted by retailers and them deciding when the Christmas season begins - the day after Halloween I believe it seems to be. That a time for family and friends is now a time for spending money.

I want to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving. A day to spend with my family where I can be reminded of all I have been given and how thankful I need and should be. And then enjoy advent - the period leading up the Christmas. Then Christmas Eve and then Christmas. And in my faith, Christmas doesn't end on Dec. 26 but continues into January. And then it's New Years Eve and New Years. Each day is special in itself.

And that's what I think is a serious problem how we as people seem to wish away days. I can't wait until this or that. When the kid can walk or talk, when they are in kindergarten, when I lose weight, when I get a promotion, when I get a job, when I get married...etc. We need to enjoy each day as you don't get to do it twice. And by starting Christmas at Halloween I think it's a form of wishing days away.

So folks, enjoy each day. Don't wish it away. Every day is special. You can never get it back.

One Step Forward

Americans don't like to wait - for anything. We love fast food, fast cars, express lanes, 10-minute hair color, instant-read thermometers, quick oil changes and instant mash potatoes. This is also true when it comes to making changes in our lives. We want immediate results.
I've struggled with my weight for years. I don't think I was ever a skinny person. Always what one could call plump and increasing to obese in my adult years. It look me a while to get to where I was. I know that it will take a while to get to a more normal size.
I'm being realistic.
I am re-learning about eating and changing my relationship with it. Learning that exercise can be fun and rewarding and how to integrate moving more throughout my day. Whether it is gardening, cleaning house, taking a walk during my lunch hour, or even dancing around the house while listening to music.
I'm down from my all-time high 46 1/2 pounds and then I stagnated for a year. Now I've renewed my commitment.
I know I won't be skinny in 2 months, but I am working to make sure I am smaller than I am now. And most important that I won't gain it back - ever. By eating whole foods, prepared in delicious and healthy ways and moving more. Really it is simple. It's me making a choice and sticking with it.

Ups and Downs and In Betweens

2009 hasn't been my best year.
It started well. I had hopes of a promotion, financially we were starting to turn the corner and I was slowly, but consistently losing weight.
All of that changed on February 11 when I was laid-off from my job. I spiraled down into a depression as my unemployment continued into May and then June and into the beginning of July. I didn't know what to do. I finally got a job in July, thank goodness due of the kindness of an old friend who needed help. It's not my dream job, I don't get to write, but it's helping to pay the bills.
You'd think all the extra time I had on my hands I would have had the chance to lose even more weight and get my house in order. None of that happened. I stagnated and my house remained a mess. I'm pretty sure it was denial. It was easier to hide behind my computer and watch afternoon talk shows.
I haven't written on my blog for a long time because I didn't think I had anything to say. Everytime I started, I deleted it because it was consistently depressing and had a whiny tone so I just stopped trying.
Recently I've had an upswing, by my choice. I've accepted a leadership position at church over a new committee. I've started projects around the house and exercise is making a come-back.
I've decided it's time to stop letting my circumstances rule my life and to be thankful for all I do have - A strong and happy marriage,a great family, friends I can count on, a home to come home to, food on my table, my health and a future.
So welcome back to Sarah Says...I have a lot to say.

Trying to Write..

I'm feeling all out of practice. I haven't written anything outside of cover letters since June. I'm trying to write a simple one-page explainer for the parish council at my church. My lede is great and then it putters out as I continue. Something that should be so simple is proving to be really hard.

I'm worried. Worried that I'm losing what I worked really hard over the past few years to craft to learn. I feel like I'm losing that creative side.

Some may thing I'm being dramatic. I don't. These are valid feelings. I just don't like knowing where or how I'm moving forward in the future. I'm just feel like I'm losing myself little by little.

Saying Goodbye to a Friend

Today I said goodbye to an old friend. I've know Patti since I was in middle school. She says that she helped me open my locker in gym, I don't remember when we met, only that she was easily my best friend. We spent hours together on the phone, sleeping over at each others homes, talking about crushes, singing, dancing, telling each other our hopes and dreams - everything.

After high school we kinda lost track of each other. We saw each other every now and again. Finally we hooked up again and I met the woman she fell in love with.

Now she is moving out west with her wife and I have to say I'm sad. This is the person I grew up with. Whom I shared so many memories. But she is starting her life anew in a new state and I hope her the best. I also hope that when our finances get back on track we can visit her in Colorado.

So Patti, here's to you and all the great memories. Thank you for being my friend.

Excuses and more excuses

It's amazing how many excuses a person can come up with not to do something that is difficult. I'm tired, it's too hot outside, I'll look funny, I don't own a sports bra, it will make me uncomfortable and think about bad memories and I can re-start the diet tomorrow.

It seems like that's been my life for the past few years. A bunch of excuses why I hadn't advanced further in my career, why my weight-loss plateaued at 45 pounds,why my garage is still over-flowing with crap, my my closets are overflowing with crap and why I have done nothing to my backyard in five years.

I'm tired of excuses.

I'm tired of people asking me what's new and having very little to report. I'm tired of saying to myself tonight I'm going to..or this weekend I'm going to..and nothing coming of it.

At the end of my life I don't want to be saying if only I had done that. I want to do that. Life is too short. I plan to actually live the one I've got and live it well.

A Great Day for Up

Last Sunday I saw the movie Up. I haven't been to the theater in a long time and it was a real treat.

It was fantastic. Not a children's movie at all, but for me it hit me in a place deep down. I really think you are exposed to things at specific times for a reason. And it was the right time for me to see this movie.

A couple gets married, enjoys life and gets ready to move onto the next step, children. We find out that children aren't in the cards for them and they continue to move on. A childhood dream of the wife is to visit Paradise Falls, somewhere in South America. Due to circumstances they don't make it. After she dies, the man decides it is his mission to go there to live that dream for them.

The movie is about living your life to the fullest, no matter what life brings you, even if it isn't what you or society believes it should be.

As a women in her mid-30s I can feel that. Children haven't happened for me and my husband and may never. While around me babies are being born left and right to family, friends and acquaintances. This is deeply painful. And with no health insurance at this time and no extra money, infertility treatments and adoption are out of the question. And to hear people ask you when you are having kids or hearing them announce they are pregnant can wound deeply. But you have to smile and move on.

I have started coming to terms with living my life to the fullest with or without children. And I have to stop waiting around and be active in my life to bring more meaning to it in other ways. To figure out what God wants for me. So I've been asked to join the Parish Council at my church, a leadership role, and I've accepted. I'll paint the spare room whatever color I want because pink or blue might not be in the cards. I'll take care of my health because I want to live and live well. I'll spoil the children born around me because it's right. And I'll be sensitive to others who are dreaming of children but haven't achieved it. Because it's a personal thing and no one has the right to make you feel unworthy, less of a woman or a man. And it's not about them, it's about you and your adventures in life.

An Open Letter from Sarah

Dear Wonderful Readers,
Today I had the chance to visit the St. Petersburg Museum of Art. There was a fantastic Andy Warhol exhibit that really opened my eyes to the artist. I have a new appreciation for his art. Of course there were the wonderful paintings by Monet, Georgia O'Keefe, Renoir, Cezanne..etc.
What really struck me though was the "More Than Words: Illustrated Letters from the Archives of American Art" exhibit. This fantastic exhibit showcased 58 letters from artists. The letters were all illustrated beautifully. I loved the care they took with not only writing letters but also making them beautiful.
Letter writing is a lost art. With blogs, Twitter, Facebook and e-mail it is so easy to send your regards electronically. It is also so easy to hit the delete button.
This made me think about what will people have to look back on for my generation. E-mails with tons of abbreviations, incomplete sentences and stupid forwarded jokes? Tweets? A YouTube video showing someone lip-syncing to a bad song?
There won't be the wonderful love letters stacked and tied lovingly to be re-read on a whim. Or notes from a child home to his/her parents. Letters between best friends sharing confidences.
It makes me sad. I have a box of cards and notes from my husband when we were dating that I want to sit down and go through. It makes me want to write notes to my friends to say hello.
It's amazing how seeing an art exhibit can inspire a person. So words to the wise: Go to an art museum, you'll never know what will inspire you.

Sincerely Yours,
Sarah

Twin Time

 

We spent the weekend at my sister and brother-in-law's in Jacksonville. Sister Laura and brother-in-law Greg (they drove actually)also came. We all just felt like we needed a little time away. We sat around the house and hung out, played Wii, watched a bad movie (wrong movie was in our Blockbuster envelope), ate yummy food and of course spent lots of time hugging, kissing and playing with our twin nieces Chloe and Abigail. In the photo above my hubby was happily spending time with them both (Chloe on the left and Abby on the right). What a great way to spend a weekend. We can't wait to see them again, oh, that will be Friday when the Nichols family makes the trip home for Father's Day weekend.

Catching Up on Some American Lit.

I've taken a break from some serious non-fiction reading and took up two American classics that I can't believe it has taken me this long to get around to reading. First up was Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I loved this book. I found it to be very relevant to today, well written and thought-provoking. i loved the editors notes in the back that helped me understand what he meant and that many people have given meanings to the book he never intended. It is about media's effect on society which is so interesting because this is more relevant than ever. I even found an eerie similarity with items in the book with Twitter. Bradbury was ahead of his time.

Next was Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. I literally just finished this one and had to turn the computer back on to read what others had to say about it. I liked it, I don't know if I got it in the way many others have, but it was good. I thought it was well-written and I admire Vonnegut's writing style. I didn't find it as funny or biting as many others have but more satirical in many instances. But I was struck by the moral of the story and that he tells you it up-front even though you don't know it at the time: "We are what we pretend to be, so be careful about what we pretend to be." Oh, and "Make love when you can. It's good for you." Both profound yet simple.

Hmm..what's next on the bookshelf? I do need to finish up the Book of Deuteronomy from the Bible and move out of the Pentateuch - the first 5 books of the Old Testament in my quest to read the entire Bible. I will be visiting my sister's this weekend and my brother-in-law usually has lots of good books to borrow. I do have War and Peace...time to break that one out??

A Little Piece of Heaven

Captain Hubby - Aye Aye Captain!

Mangrove Trees at Caladesi Island

The Blue Wave Beach - Caladesi Island


So Hubby and I decided to take a break from job searching and work today and headed for Caladesi Island off the coast of northern Pinellas County. Rather than take the ferry over, we took our small jon boat.

What a gem of a place! On the ride over you glide over crystal clear blue-green water and head into an opening surrounded by mangrove trees. The narrow slip of land has nature trails (note to self - bring bug repellent next time because the mosquitoes are fierce!) and on the west side, beautiful beaches with white sand and lots of shells. Swimming wasn't for the faint of heart this morning because of strong undercurrents and riptides. Came out unscathed except for a small cut on my toe - luckily I didn't attract any sharks!

It was lovely to be at a beach not built on at all. I just enjoyed sitting on a bench watching the Gulf of Mexico and listening to waves crash and smelling salt in the air. I'd love to return with our canoe and take the kayak trail deep in the mangroves. I'd return any day as it's a piece of unspoiled old Florida.

Auntie By Friendship

One of my best friends from middle, high school and my college roommate is expecting her first child soon - less than eight weeks. She's been referring to me as Auntie Sarah which is cool. Being an aunt has its perks. And it's cool to see Kathy becoming a mom. I'm looking forward to meeting him or her (they have decided to let the sex be a surprise).

Kathy and Dave have been fantastic. They both have supported me through my unemployed odyssey. She has sent me unexpected notes and little gifts. It's wonderful having support of friends. I hope she knows what a great friend she has been - if not, Kathy - read this now, thank you for everything you have and continue to do. I wish I could be a better auntie to Baby Big, getting you all the cute baby things you deserve. Throwing you a baby shower. But Auntie Sarah will make it up to you some day when I can spoil Baby Big.

Baby Big watch starts now.

Under My Umbrella

We've had a lot of rain recently which is fantastic actually since central Florida has been in a major drought for more than three years. I got caught in a downpour when I stopped at Publix to pick up a few items.

Behind the drivers seat was my trusty umbrella. I've had it since the Christmas before I graduated high school in 1992. It was a gift from my paternal Grandmother. It was a very nice umbrella. Not like the ones that folds up tiny and easily break. But one that is old-fashioned style, with the curved handle you can place over you arm that is accented with wood on the handle, the end and on the tips. To top it off, the material once was vibrant multi-colored that looked like a jig-saw puzzle.

Who keeps an umbrella for 18 years? And how does this umbrella still work? I should have lost it by now. It was left in a number of places, in the library at USF, restaurants, people's houses, etc. But every time I lost it, I found it.

Today I popped my trusty umbrella open and I noticed one of the wooden tips had slipped off and there was a tiny tear in the material. In the midst of the rainstorm I stopped and stared at it.

Grandma died a few years ago. I have a variety of items that belonged to her, lovely items. But for some reason seeing this umbrella falling apart brought pause to me. Reminded me of what a great lady she was and that I missed her.

I brought the umbrella home and popped the wooden tip back on, I will look for some glue to attach it better. The rip is small and not in the top so it will still keep my dry. So it will go back behind my seat tomorrow to keep me dry another day. I'm not ready to let go of it yet.

No News, Not Good News

Wow. I can't believe I am still unemployed.

I never thought it would take so long. Thank goodness I have my volunteer work at the church to keep my mind sharp. I have had the opportunity to write a good number of items in the past few months and participated in meetings and even town hall meetings.

I can't believe how some employers are using this opportunity to put potential employees through an awful ringer, making people bow down and kiss their toes and reminding us again and again that you are so lucky they are even spending a moment with you.

I am a fair person. I want to work hard and be paid a fair wage and be treated with a little dignity along the way. Is that a huge order? I don't think so.

Why must the first question be about money? Forcing me to show you my hand, but then refusing - REFUSING - to show me anything of yours. Not letting me tell you that I am more flexible. Not telling you that you DIDN'T get the job after an interview. I'd take a computer generated e-mail.

But at least this time really shows the true nature of a business and helps me to know where to try to get a job in the future.

I'm sure my job is around the corner. I have faith. And I am lucky to have to many great family members and friends who care about me and lift my spirits when I need it.